Learning to Play: Cards

I’ve been very focused lately on what I “should” be doing, what “needs” to be done.  To accomplish this, to do what’s appropriate with that.  Not just with work things, but in my play as well.

In fact, I realized tonight that I haven’t been playing.  I’ve been approaching all of my ‘fun’ things with a work ‘must get done’ attitude.

It’s not hard to see where this came from.  During my two years of major transitions, I kept to my hobbies, my crafts, by determination and will alone it seemed somedays.  I was exhausted through much of those days and I would have these litanies in my head such as “okay, you can rest, but right after you get that mead racked”.  Taking care of my mead became another list on my list of things.  It needed to or it would have stopped.  And I was NOT going to be stopped from continuing to do something I love.

o,O

And let’s face another reality while I’m at it.  I’m inherently lazy.  I don’t want to do the things.  I want to lie on my couch with a book in my hands, tea to my side, cat on my legs and while away my afternoons.  Rain or shine doesn’t matter, they are both conducive to a lazy afternoon reading.  Doing anything beyond that requires a certain level of determination from me.  I feel like every hobby I pick up comes with the weight of fear and depression and childish whining of ‘it’s too hard’.  I don’t know when these things crept onto and started to leech at my joys, but it has happened.  Badly.

In a nutshell?  I’ve forgotten how to play.

So I’m going to try something new.  I hope.  I’m going to try and find the play in my interests.  Grins in my hobbies.  Laughter in my crafts.

Tonight I played with my three favourite card decks.  Joie de Vivre, Thoth and the Celtic Book of the Dead cards.  Check out the spreads, my friend!:

Each one with a tale.  Each one whispering of things to learn and to discover.  Life has changed.  My emotions will run strong and there will be storms and high seas.  And therein too lies the joy and the fun.  Living is going to feel good!  Or, well intense.  Intensity can be its own good sometimes.  Any way, though, I hope to embrace and live and try to find the fun and the bounce.  To do what I love because of love.

What is fed, grows.

Saturn,
the Abysmal Witch

An Invitation to a Great Working for the Planet

YOU are Invited

I and a few others have been challenged by our Ancestors and by our Gods to do what we can to stir up change in the world.

Our hope is that by breaking the current flow, the pattern of our cultures and societies that are destroying our food and our planet that is encouraging the worst in ourselves and towards others, by breaking this flow we hope that something better can arise.

We have started a Great Working towards change.

You are invited to join us in it.  Join by doing ritual.  Energizing, powerful ritual.  Ritual to a purpose.  Do it in your ritual space or in nature.  Do it in your own style.  Just join us in purpose.

The more of us who Act to create change, the greater the change will be.

If you are interested, all information including the first ritual outline is available at Dark Stars.

We have already begun  the Magick.  Join us if you so Will.

~Saturn

Gregorian Resolution 2013

A year ago, possibly today, I posted about my view on New Year’s resolutions.  I like to focus on things I want to try out, something new to embrace as the new year (Gregorianly speaking) starts.

Last year, I vowed to attend one live event per month.  Some of which even were blogged about here.  It was a varied list, including:  bellydance, plays, opera (first time ever), laser show, beluga and otter shows at the aquarium, restaurant band, friends playing with Fimo, classic plays and modern ones, parade, air show, and the list actually goes on from there.

This year, I vow to cook something new each and every month.

This should balance nicely between my holy-fuck-how-am-I-going-to-ever-survive-the-psychotic-busy-of-2013 and determination to learn something new this year for pure fun.

I’ve been edging into the land of cooking more anyway so this isn’t precisely a stretch.

THE SECRET

Did you notice it?  I just gave away the secret to New Year’s resolution successes.  I’m embracing something I already am interested and have already started working on.  It’s a bit of a stretch to succeed, but not much of one, and it’s something I honestly want to do and already am doing.  I’m just going to do more of it, and more consistently.  A little push in my already direction.

And January is taken care of already!  But as with last year’s resolution, the month only improves if I fulfill the resolution more than once.  Or as many times as I feel like.  It just doesn’t let me be so lazy that I let my desire drift off my awareness and the intention disappear into the void of the forgotten.

Oh, and what was it?  A simple quesadilla.  No recipe, just a simple adding of ingredients to make a nummy lunch.  One that I could have easily done years before and just never got up the gumption/intention/nerve to do it (I’m a shy cook sometimes and hesitant to ‘wing’ it).

Do you have a New Year’s resolution?  Is it going to be easy?  hard?

Or do you live the land of ‘resolution is to have no resolutions’?  A land I am familiar with and frequently enjoy.  Though I’m finding I like the challenge of this newer methodology of mine.

Regardless of plans, I wish you all a 2013 filled with satisfaction of needs, exploration of dreams, and a movement towards your greater Path.

Blessings of the deep and wild to you all.

Saturn, the Abysmal Witch

 

(My) Eight Blisses of Yule: #4 Understanding

Yes, I know, Yule is fading quickly beneath the onslaught of the coming sun, but I still have my litany of 8 blisses to share!  So I’ll try and get them out in the next several weeks (this is me setting a realistic timeframe rather than the one I wish I could make but deep down know that I meet).

Understanding.  One of my favourite things to do at this time of year (we’re pretending it’s still Yule time as I type this) is to give the “perfect” gift.  The perfect gift isn’t in the item.

It is in how it is received.

When the other person’s eyes, face, body light up.  When they get that grin or laugh, get teary or just really solemn before they give you a great, big hug, that’s when I know I’ve given a perfect gift.

Because it was something special to them not necessarily to me.

Giving the perfect gift requires seeing the other person for who THEY are, and not getting sucked into seeing on them reflections of our own needs and wants.

It is so easy to assume fall victim to the “I like it so they’ll like it too” attitude.  There has to be more to recommend something as a gift for a particular person than just that I or you like it.

Giving the perfect gift is allowing yourself insight into the who of someone else.  At the deepest level, you let go of your own ego to let in the sense of the other person, to understand what it is that would bring them joy.

Yes, knowing the person, their likes/dislikes, whether or not they have the same sense of humour as you, their complete addiction to My Little Ponies, these are all tells.  We pay attention to the person, know what they are like, what they’ve shown preference for in the past, or not.  We apply that knowledge in picking out the gift.

Some might say that this isn’t any mystical experience, it’s just good social etiquette.

Well, and it is.  And when done out of duty, that’s all it is.  But when it’s done out of love?  Then it is a gift of love.

Understanding the other person is the gift we receive when we give a perfect gift.

Love is the gift the other person receives when they receive from us the perfect gift.

I firmly believe that we experience love through attention.  Without getting into any real specifics:  We give attention to people we love.  When someone pays attention to us, we feel loved (whether we want it or not, though it always feels nicest when it is mutual).

When we fully embrace understanding (or love) then we have reached a mystical experience.

And when they open the gift, and their face lights up, and I get to see that I was right, that I had connected with that person, understood them, given even just one person a perfect gift for that year, then I know I have understood, truly understood and joy is then mine, too.

~Abysmal Witch

 

Getting Quiet

My New Year’s resolution (yes, I dared to have one and no, it was not to be nicer to people-sorry, in-joke) is to be better at rest.  Getting a full amount of sleep.  Taking breaks from tasks to recover so that I can do more better in shorter times.  Ideally.

To set the backdrop, I don’t spend a lot of time on my balcony.  It’s nice.  i keep it decorated and decently clean.  But I’m rarely comfortable spending time out there.

Yesterday, I went to visit a friend.  She and her partner regularly go outside for a smoke, they sit in their backyard, look at the trees and relax.

Today I realized that I avoid the balcony because I am bothered by the idea of simply relaxing.  I should be DOING something, not just sitting on my ass.

Or so says the back part of my brain.

Tonight I went outside for my own nip of bud though more importantly to take a distinct break between tasks, between things I was working on.  It felt good at their place, surely I could do something similar in my own home?

And it worked.  Okay, yes, we have to ignore my twitchy, must move, must do something, must must must voice, but after that it was calm, it was peaceful, it allowed me to regroup, as it were, and settle comfortably back into myself.

I didn’t wait until I was too exhausted and then crash out from the exhaustion of pushing myself through the horror of doing what I “should” do.  Instead, when that feeling came on, I went outside, took a break, gave myself just 15 minutes of relaxing and contemplating and BEING.

Then came back in and it was round two of doing…wait, I could do whatever I wanted.  And I did do it.  I did the things on my list but because I wanted them done not so that I wouldn’t feel guilty.

Recognizing and using the power of breaks and rest is my New Year’s resolution.  Here’s planning towards it being a new habit and soon.

A night of fabulousness to all, and to all a fab night.

~Abysmal Witch

(My) Eight Blisses of Yule: #3, Receiving

It is good to enjoy receiving gifts.

It is great to enjoy receiving gifts without any emotional baggage.  As in your own emotional baggage, not the gift’s.

To think, someone cared for you emotional state enough to get you something they thought you would enjoy.

And yes, again I am getting away from the requisite giving that is so typified in the media and our culture (and even more so in other cultures judging by recent conversations).  This isn’t the required polite receiving of some polite gift that was given because it was expected and received with a polite smile because the amount of emotion on the receiving end equalled that of the giving end.

I’m talking about having a gift in your hands that as you look upon it your heart glows.  It makes you laugh.  Or it fulfills a need.  Or it satisfies an itch you didn’t even know you had.  It speaks to you.  And it’s FOR YOU.

I’ve long believed that we experience love through attention.  When we are on the receiving end of positive attention, we feel loved (having your birthday remembered, receiving a gift you really wanted and so clearly the other person had paid attention to you, being asked about your day and the examples could continue forever).

Receiving a gift is taking in love.

Without commitment or expectation.

NO STRINGS ATTACHED.

If there was a string attached then it wasn’t a fucking gift and it doesn’t belong in this conversation.

Wow, taking in love.

As I type, I think “hey, this is why Santa is such a strong, beloved archetype!”

What is this lunatic talking about?

Think about it.  Santa is the ultimate gift giver, right?  He gives to all he loves (generally portrayed as all who are “good”), freely, without any expectation of return, no strings at all.

Which means that when you receive a gift from Santa, all you have to do, ALL you have to do is receive it.  Take it in.  Take that freely given love into your heart. You get to enjoy the gift without any guilt or need to reciprocate.  Something I think many people have a hard time doing when the gift is from someone known.  But Santa?  His gifts are safe to receive.

I received gifts this yule.  And each one was unexpected and appreciated.  And ZERO fretting over anyone who didn’t give a gift.  Because there was no need for gifts to be given.  No need = no requirement = no guilt.  Gods, I love things that come without guilt.

This receiving isn’t the greedy grasping of a selfish child.  This is the glorious receiving of the open and essentially hopeful child.

This Yule I let myself take in the gifts of my friends, from the physical to the spiritual, the joy of their company to their funny stories.

Yes, gifts range far beyond the physical, and many of them arrive when we’re not paying attention.

Time to wake up and take it in.  Let it all in.  Receive the gifts that are waiting for your hands to open to take them in.

~Abysmal Witch

(My) 8 Blisses of Yule: #2, Giving

I’m not talking about obligatory follow through.  I’m not talking about the need to reciprocate.  I’m not talking about fulfilling someone else’s expectations.

I’m talking about the sheer bliss of giving BECAUSE YOU WANT TO.

With no other lingering, hidden feeling lurking behind the giving.

There’s no expectation in it, no regret, no pressure, no feeling that you “had to”.  The one and only reason for the giving is because in your heart of hearts you want to.  What you want.  To who you want.  Without needing, without WANTING anything back.

That’s right.  My bliss lies in doing it.  Utterly and completely in the doing.

Full stop.

The only thing I hope for on the other end is to see a bit of my joy reflected in the receiver’s reaction.  That’s my payoff.

And what a fucking awesome payoff it is.

8 Blisses of Yule: #1, Resonant Kin

Last night I gathered with many beautiful people to celebrate Yule.

Throughout that night I experienced true bliss, in waves that crested and rushed over me.  Over the next days I shall share what names I found for the waves.

My first bliss of Yule is the souls of my spiritual kindred.  I stood amongst the woods, goddess in me, and my kindred stood by my side.  They danced the ritual with me.  They shared food and laughter, solemnity and grace.  These aren’t just kin.  These are the people that resonate with me.  We are not the same but together we created a harmony that, I like to think, lifted us all up higher.

When we spoke, ideas and concepts and understanding was shared, not just words and information.

I felt like I was among my own kind.  I WAS among my own kind.

Graced in bliss by my resonant kin.

~Abysmal Witch

Just 20 minutes

Do you have a dream?  Something that you long for?  Something that is attainable?

You know what I mean, the desire to run a marathon, write a book, become a famous seamstress.  Something that relies on your ability, your effort, your work.  Do you have something like that?

I do.  I have several such somethings.  One of them is being more accomplished in my magick.  Tonight as I went up to my temple I had the ‘duh’ realization.

If I want something, truly want it, is it worth 20 minutes of my time?  Just that, 20 minutes.

Would I give up 20 minutes of my life to get that thing?

If not, then I clearly don’t want it, not bad enough.  Because 20 minutes is not that much time.  If I can’t take 20 minutes to reach that desire, then it’s a pretty freaking weak desire.  A mild preference, in fact.

If yes, then take the 20 minutes.  Without putting it off.  Without placing something else before it.  Grab hold of the 20 minutes because it is your desire, just in its early stages.

Sink your claws into your desire and start to sip from the great possibility of it, because you’ve put in your 20 minutes.

This was a good use of 20 minutes.

~Abysmal Witch

Halloween Philosiphizing

The other day I was thinking.  I know, I know, it was a dangerous thing for my poor little mind, but sometimes even I need to go down that road.  And after some minutes of the poor little mice struggling to overcome inertia and get the wheels turning stuff like the following spewed out:

Halloween is one of the few co-created society-wide events in our society.  Christmas is another one, the other “major” holidays less so.  These are events where a majority of people buy into the event and work together to create an atmosphere.  With Christmas, for example, people put lights on their houses and decorations outside for others to share in as an experience.

Small examples of this that I’ve experienced are small weekend pagan events where we all agree to co-create a particular world around us.  I go to one entitled Pirates & Faeries.  Everyone dresses up, decorates their living space, and work together to decorate our shared spaces.  The results are spectacular.  We live within a fantasy world that we have all worked together to create.  Which also means that everywhere you go lies within that world so long as you stay within the boundaries.

Halloween is co-created on a much grander scale.  Sure people opt out, but enough opt in that the entire day becomes a co-created “fantastical” world.

Monsters and dead things abound.

My gods, just think about this, being fearful is encouraged and celebrated.  And then we’re taught to laugh at our fears.  We are taught to wear our fears on the outside of our skin, to BE the very horrors that have us hiding under our covers.

How gods-freaking-fabulous-tastic is that?

Seriously.  Look at this outlet we have given ourselves from mundane reality, and it’s for everyone!  AND we’re saying it’s okay to be scared.  And we’ll join with everyone else in making it happen.  How wacked is that?

This is the only holiday/celebration in my society that goes beyond the shared co-creating of an environment (xmas does that with all the lights and external decorations) and invites us to GO INTO EACH OTHERS LIVES!

There are only two generally, sort of accepted ways to visit someone’s house if you don’t know them:

1) you’re selling something, from god to floor cleaners, cookies to makeup, you’re there to sell.

2) you’re begging for help, like a phone call for your car, a run-over pet, psychotic man in mask trying to kill you who turns out to be your brother who killed your older sister many years before and has now escaped from the prison/sanitarium and is now going to kill you

But then there is this bizarre, magical third reason:

3)  It’s Halloween.

Um, wtf?  Why on earth is it acceptable on this one day of the year to go wandering to some strangers house, ring their door, and ask for CANDY?!?

Just stop and think about it for a minute if it hasn’t already struck you.  Outside of Halloween, have you ever just gone up to somebody’s house, knocked on their door and expected to receive something nice?    Just try and picture it happening.  Try and picture doing it.

It’s weird.

And yet on Halloween, it’s expected.  And that it’s okay for kids to do it (even now when we’re terrified to let them touch dirt let alone talk to strangers).  And that those who have opted in (with the lit pumpkin) have agreed to a social contract to open that door and give out goodies.

This is so freaking bizarre it makes me proud to live here.

~Abysmal Witch, in her element.